im six kinds of drunk right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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