Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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