Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
