If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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