Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
