What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
