I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
