So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i believe in u and ur pee
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
