I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
