I'm gonna have a badass scar
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize