Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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