Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
