I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The power of my boobs compel you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
