We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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