Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize