I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
