Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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