I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
