If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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