Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
