My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
love makes seman taste better
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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