Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
