i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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