did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
