she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
