my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
