is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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