Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
do nipples grow back?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
