I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
