those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My vagina is officially offended.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
