I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
