The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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