Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
