If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
