OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
