it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
