Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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