my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
