When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize