Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
