No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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