My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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