Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize