i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
