farters have to be the big spoon...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
