just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
