please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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