Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
