How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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