were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
