let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
