Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
