my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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