i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
