All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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