You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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