Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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