On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
