oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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