I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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