why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
