How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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