the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You're like the curious george of whores
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
