he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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