the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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