i think my tv is drunk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
