I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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