I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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