i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
