you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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