HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
