i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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