I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
