Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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