No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
