You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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