Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
