I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
