just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
