i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
