we made out on top of his cat.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
