this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
