Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
whose parrot is this?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
